Friday, January 23, 2009

Bachelor Recap

Ok, I can't let this go.
Monday's Bachelor episode.
OMG, where to start.... Oh, Natalie, you are so empty. What do you like? Bears. Bears? How about blotting sheets for the shiny face. A trim for the split ends. The face was shinier than the diamonds. If you are going to act like a princess, please behave as such and don't pretend to be deep. You aren't. There are plenty of guys who like shallow eye candy. Ya missed that Bachelor, his name is Aaron.

Then there is Nikki. You are cute with the big eyes but put the boobs away. I am jealous, but he can't find out about the real you when THOSE are taking up the room. They do make clothes to cover them, I own some. Share this knowledge with some of your housemates. Jeans and t-shirts are sexy, ask any guy.

Shannon, did you have to ruin the already bad opinion I had of you by barfing in the closest bathroom to the Rose Ceremony Room? Nobody (especially me) wants to hear that racket. Here's a little secret, don't drink when you don't feel well. It never ends well. I hope you gargled before hugging and kissing Jason. EW! Also, a good lipgloss can do wonders for your sickly palor, and some blush. I suggest Nars Orgasm. I don't think he will be sitting on the couch with you in your pajamas. Ever. You are thisclose to crazy but the front runner is:

Megan. She is scary in a Tonya- Harding -Britney -with -an -umbrella -way. And I think they made him keep her out of fear for their lives. She knows where he lives. She is not pretty, looks old, dresses old. Say goodbye and don't look back. Or watch your back. Either way, her time is up. Buh Bye!

Erica. You remind me of a girl from high school. She is the main reason I skipped the 20 year reunion. She actually got kicked out of our 20 year reunion forum for annoying the shit out of everyone and hitting on other peoples husbands. I saw the reunion photos and am so glad I missed it. You are her. Thank God you are gone. You seemed to be surprised to go. I wasn't. There will be dancing in your honor, I promise. And he wasn't looking at your boobs, just the color of your dress.

I think Stephanie is the one. She knows when to keep her mouth shut. She keeps the boobs (mostly) put away. She actually rolled in the wet sand with her kid in her date clothes. She is a good mother. She does have a gorgeous house so she might be a little high maintenance but aren't we all?

Jillian. I can't forgive the hot dog references. He gets the idea. You want to see it and his flat front pants were tight enough to get an idea. You are cute though. We will see.

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