Tuesday, February 24, 2009

The Devil and Satan are our names, torture is our game

Oh, what a day I had.
And yet I am still up.
I spent the first half of my day on my notebook reading blogs and planning our day.
We went to ________ and visited 2 different music stores pricing a Christian Lindberg custom made trombone. I don't want to talk about what kind of money these special order instruments cost.
Let us just say that I could furnish my entire main level with wood flooring and rugs too.
And after we did this. For our son. You know the one. The one that hates us. The one we are trying to get into college and killing ourselves with application fees and auditions that are hours away.
Because if he lives at home another year and behaves the way he has this year, I will check myself into a nice quiet place with rubber walls and pills that are administered every few hours to take the edge off of the already smiling, drooling pile of ME.
And I will not allow visiters but I shall take all of you (in the form of my notebook) with me blog friends.
Because that is how much I care.

And we went to his private lessons instructor to talk about said auditions and what he needs to practice and what he needs to avoid (uh, Facebook, any other instruments, having friends here from 3 hours away, Rock Band, texting)
He turned into a velociraptor and reminded us (in a snarling, teeth-knashing, eye-narrowing way) that we hate him and torture him and we are the Devil and Satan. His instructor sided with us and of course that made him love and appreciate us even more.
So we dumped his butt at Symphony practice and went to Sams.
It was peaceful.
Then we had a lovely dinner at Olive Garden.
It was blissful.
And we talked about what kind of wood we would purchase for the floors because there is no way in Hell I want to get that kid anything that he doesn't need.
I am thinking about putting Xanax in his after school Dr. Pepper every day til graduation and then finding a lovely and far off music camp for the summer. The entire summer.
I am going to bed.
Here is a picture of me before I lost my mind today. Calm, serene, only slightly crazy.And here is me now. Dead eyes and a Blow pop to keep me from screaming. And drinking. And smoking, and spitting, and swearing.
I am plotting.


  1. I'll sneak you in some treats...just tell me what you like :)

  2. Plot away, girl. And stick HIM in the place with rubber walls and floors while you sun yourself on a sandy beach with a big 'ole fruity drink in your hand!


  4. Oh the hell! There are days that I feels the same about one of my off springs!

    Why must they be such assholes, every.waking.minute?

  5. I just love your blog, sista! Thank you for providing me with so many laughs. I know I sometimes get caught up in how craptacular my day-to-day is. It's comforting to know that everyone has their bad days and that we're all on this crazy ride together.


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