Saturday, April 11, 2009

Saturday Psycho-babble

I am just so disgusted with my neurotic self because it took me 375 tries to do my second video blog and then I finally said "screw it" and downloaded it to You Tube.
It took hours, and finally loaded and was just so excited and giddy and when I finally posted it and hit play, it said "this post is unavailable"
And then I fell off my chair and died.

Why am I so computer stupid?
My husband will come home today and change the resolution (which was so low that I look like I have 3 eyes, and all 3 of them are crossed) and re-download it and there you go.
It just comes naturally to him.

Which reminds me.
Yesterday when we were at the gun shop (and I am sure there is a real name like Bubba's Gun & Pawn) I felt so uncomfortable and wanted to morph myself to Vicki's Secret, or the tampon section at Walgreens or the Coach store so Mr. could share my pain and then I realized something that terrified me.
He is completely at ease those places too.
Just walking around looking at bras and panties and patent leather and braided handles and scarves, and scented and extra absorbant which just excites me beyond belief, does not bother him in the least.
I did mention (when I said I "wanted to like the way it (gun) feels in my hand", and the mullet master next to me started guffawing and his wife and friends were whispering and pointing at me) that he owes me a visit to one of my favorite stores after all this gun shop madness.
Bring it on, was essentially his reply.

So, now what can I do to pay him back for the torture?

I have always wanted to make him an appt. with my massage therapist because next to God, my husband and vanilla butter cream cupcakes, she is the best thing ever.
He is afraid to get a massage, and this is where some of you might squirm a little, because he is afraid he will get turned on and humiliate himself.
I always give him his massages and to him, having me rub on any part of him is a turn on.
Even when it is just his back and shoulders.
Would this be the same for other women? If they did his back and shoulders?
Is this normal or is he a perv?
What's gonna happen when we go on vacation and have our couples massage on the beach?
Would I ask for a male masseuse for him?
What if it's the rubbing and not the sex of the person doing the rubbing?

Could this conversation be any more uncomfortable for any of us?
I know I am blushing.
I think I just paid him back.
As soon as he reads this post.

By the way, if you have a bald spot combined a bad mullet (is there a good one?), a friend with more teeth missing than present, a wife in tapered jeans, ratted bangs and a Tigger sweatshirt with the collar cut out (Flashdance style?) and you go into a gun shop and laugh at me again, be aware that the next time I might be packing heat and even if I am not, I can kick you with my Uggs and put the hurt on you with my heavy Coach bag.
Just a statement.

Gotta get ready for the dinner party.
If you had seen my 2nd video blog you would know about it but since that video just sitting in my computer being held hostage, I will tell you that we are going to a surprise birthday party for a friend of ours and it is also a sit down dinner party. This adds so much to my fears about being social and what do you bring and what do you talk about and is the gun store saga appropriate for the crowd I am hanging with tonight?
If I embarrass myself, and the chances are always good that I will, then I will not be invited back and this makes me a little happy although Mr. Funny is always trying to get me out and force me to be more social and mingle with people (that are not on our payroll.)
I don't want to get him ostracized but at the same time I don't want to commit to this kind of thing on a regular basis either.
We will have to see.

I think I will bring a nice bottle of Grey Goose with a big bow and throw a lime and a small bottle of Canada Dry tonic in my bag in case I need to open it and test it out.
Time to shower.
Wish me luck, actually wish my poor husband luck.
Are cramps a good enough excuse to get out of a dinner party?
I have tried all of the others and so far they are not enough to sway Mr. Funny.
Crap on a Stick.
Here we go...............................


  1. A gift for your host is a nice gesture, especially if you were not asked to bring something specific. As long as the host of the party is a drinker - and who isn't, really - a decent bottle of wine or other booze is always in good taste. If he/she doesn't drink, chocolates or a good bag of coffee will typically delight as well.

  2. As for your questions about the massage for your husband - my aunt is a masseuse and she said that they are trained to start men on their stomachs for that very reason. It gives them time to relax and get accustomed to the touching.

  3. You had me cracking up with hitting those people with your coach bag.

    I hope for their sake they don't run into you again:)


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