Thursday, January 7, 2010

Still

I just finished reading The Lovely Bones.
I started it Monday and read most of it today.
It was a really great book and I recommend it.
There are sad parts and parts that make you angry but the overall picture is painted so well and the characters are so well formed and interesting, you feel like you want to know them in real life and the family dynamic is amazing.

We had a nasty snowstorm and the temp hasn't gotten above 12 degrees so school has been cancelled tomorrow as well and we have been sitting at home in front of the fire just being......still.
Still. Quiet. Slow. Easy.

I feel like we have been just going full speed ahead non-stop since the school/college year started.
Shopping for dorm stuff, supplies, clothing, switching colleges, camps, marching band, football games, volunteering, dropping off/ picking up kids, meals, doctors appts., haircuts, groceries, dogs and the messes they incur, housework, work, husband, yard, holidays, my trip.

I managed to somehow keep up but never quite got ahead.
I blogged almost daily but never really said much.
I was home a lot but I was never really here.
I was married but I wasn't the wife I want to be or the one my husband deserves.
I was with my kids but never really here for them.
People would talk to me but I never really heard them.

And in these last few days of us all 4 being together before the oldest goes back to school, I realized, it came to me, that I need to just take the time to enjoy things more.
To just be still.

As I was folding towels in the kitchen last night, I heard the boys in the living room.
The oldest was on the one sofa listening to some beautiful music on his computer and quietly singing along; he has a wonderful singing voice and I have heard many people tell me his solos are amazing but he will never sing for me.
My other son was on the other sofa with his iPod playing a game.
Just sitting in the same room, in front of the blazing fire, snowed in and unable to leave.
And just being still and calm and quiet. It happens almost never.

Since they have been on break, there have been friends coming and going, parties, movies, dinners out, arguing, laundry, dirty dishes, video game marathons, and texting non-stop.
We have searched for times to go to dinner, just the 4 of, to watch a movie, have hot chocolate, talk to each other.
And we have had tiny moments to do these things but then the spell is broken and real life comes in to interfere.

I started to cry, to miss the days of when they were younger and begged to play Monopoly and checkers.
The days when I asked them to find something quiet to do, they never did.
I cried for the mommy who lost her baby on Monday to suicide, I cried because I lost my mom to cancer, I cried for my sister and sister-in-law who have little ones that can be difficult and husbands that work a lot so that the girls can stay home, I cried because I was tired and depressed and overwhelmed with all of things it takes to run a house and a restaurant and be responsible for the lives of 25 trusting employees, I cried because I can easily get snappy with my family and especially my husband who does so many things for us and never complains, and I cried because I am lucky that we are warm and safe and we have a home and healthy children and jobs and families who love us.
And then I thanked God for all of these things.
And I promised to be still more often.

And I would like everyone who reads this to try to do the same.
Can you try it?

9 comments:

  1. Good for you. I have these moments all the time and my husband and I were just talking about this yesterday. We are taking this weekend to just be with eachother with no plans, no expectations...just slow and easy in front of a fireplace. I hope you have many more moments like this in the future, it's good for the soul.

    Kelly

    ReplyDelete
  2. to answer your question on my comments it is Monique Danielle :) glad you liked it!

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is a really beautiful post, and you made me cry a little, but in a good way. I'm snowed in too, and you're right, I'm so lucky that the people (and dogs) I love are warm and safe and here with me. I too need to be still more often.

    ReplyDelete
  4. And I cried when I read this because it's all so true - I guess that saying . . . life is what happens while we're waiting or something like that. . .is so true.

    And as much as my kids hated the snow storm we had in '08 it was one of the best holiday seasons we had ~ forced to stay in and be a family.

    Thanks for this post ~ beautifully said. ♥

    ReplyDelete
  5. Maybe still is what I am needing. I'll try it once I stop shivering.

    It is 1:30 in the afternoon and has made it all the way up to 9 degrees. I do wish I could sit quietly in front of your fireplace. We could have a nice chat.

    I find myself crying over nothing these days and it can't be my harmones, because I have none.

    Take care and enjoy the moments you have right now.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Great post. It is so true that sometimes we are there, but not really in the moment. I recently admired my kids because they are always in the present. HOw do we outgrow that??
    And I almost cried when I read the line about the mom losing her son to suicide... so sad :(

    ReplyDelete
  7. yes (I can be still; that's why I'm on a blogging break :)

    beautifully written post; we need to be still and to really appreciate what we have and to be so grateful that God has allowed us to have all we have; unfortunately there will always be sad events and sad experiences in life but we just need to hold on to what we have and love our families and God and do the best we can, striving to be better each and every day as we can

    glad you did have some time with family just to hang out and be still

    betty

    ReplyDelete
  8. What an appropriate post. Life just seems to get in the way of living these days. Our last two Christmas breaks have been such a blessing because the kids seem to enjoy being a family as much as my husband and I. Thanks for the reminder that we all need.

    ReplyDelete

Show some love♥ leave a comment

Awards I Have Received:

Awards I Have Received:
Thanks Janet!

Thank You Stacey!

Premios Dardo (Top Dart)

Premios Dardo (Top Dart)
Thank You Angela!

Thanks Deanna!

Splash Award

Splash Award
Thanks Stacey!

Meme Award

Meme Award
Thank You Stacey

Thank You Wife O Riley!

Thank You Cindi!

Thank you Stacey!

Thanks Stacey!

Thanks Katie!