I just finished reading The Lovely Bones.
I started it Monday and read most of it today.
It was a really great book and I recommend it.
There are sad parts and parts that make you angry but the overall picture is painted so well and the characters are so well formed and interesting, you feel like you want to know them in real life and the family dynamic is amazing.
We had a nasty snowstorm and the temp hasn't gotten above 12 degrees so school has been cancelled tomorrow as well and we have been sitting at home in front of the fire just being......still.
Still. Quiet. Slow. Easy.
I feel like we have been just going full speed ahead non-stop since the school/college year started.
Shopping for dorm stuff, supplies, clothing, switching colleges, camps, marching band, football games, volunteering, dropping off/ picking up kids, meals, doctors appts., haircuts, groceries, dogs and the messes they incur, housework, work, husband, yard, holidays, my trip.
I managed to somehow keep up but never quite got ahead.
I blogged almost daily but never really said much.
I was home a lot but I was never really here.
I was married but I wasn't the wife I want to be or the one my husband deserves.
I was with my kids but never really here for them.
People would talk to me but I never really heard them.
And in these last few days of us all 4 being together before the oldest goes back to school, I realized, it came to me, that I need to just take the time to enjoy things more.
To just be still.
As I was folding towels in the kitchen last night, I heard the boys in the living room.
The oldest was on the one sofa listening to some beautiful music on his computer and quietly singing along; he has a wonderful singing voice and I have heard many people tell me his solos are amazing but he will never sing for me.
My other son was on the other sofa with his iPod playing a game.
Just sitting in the same room, in front of the blazing fire, snowed in and unable to leave.
And just being still and calm and quiet. It happens almost never.
Since they have been on break, there have been friends coming and going, parties, movies, dinners out, arguing, laundry, dirty dishes, video game marathons, and texting non-stop.
We have searched for times to go to dinner, just the 4 of, to watch a movie, have hot chocolate, talk to each other.
And we have had tiny moments to do these things but then the spell is broken and real life comes in to interfere.
I started to cry, to miss the days of when they were younger and begged to play Monopoly and checkers.
The days when I asked them to find something quiet to do, they never did.
I cried for the mommy who lost her baby on Monday to suicide, I cried because I lost my mom to cancer, I cried for my sister and sister-in-law who have little ones that can be difficult and husbands that work a lot so that the girls can stay home, I cried because I was tired and depressed and overwhelmed with all of things it takes to run a house and a restaurant and be responsible for the lives of 25 trusting employees, I cried because I can easily get snappy with my family and especially my husband who does so many things for us and never complains, and I cried because I am lucky that we are warm and safe and we have a home and healthy children and jobs and families who love us.
And then I thanked God for all of these things.
And I promised to be still more often.
And I would like everyone who reads this to try to do the same.
Can you try it?