Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Can I rant for a minute? Or 8.

Being a business owner has afforded me the luxury of meeting some wonderful people.
And employing some really crazy people.
I could write a book.

I have begun to pre-gauge my moods by whom I will be working with that day.
I always go in to work with a positive attitude (even if I feel like crap on the inside) because I want to project positivity and happiness.
Not necessarily my personality but I am a chameleon.

We have had (and still have) employees from all ends of the spectrum.
They are:
Crazy, drug addled, widowed, divorced and fighting for custody of their children, single and desperate, married and cheating, married and happy, married and miserable, married and desperate for children, married and desperate to be single, single and happy, single and trying to get pregnant, fully functioning alcoholics, alcoholic and hating everyone, alcoholic and wanting to be sober, living in a car, living in a week by week slum motel, living in a facility for mentally challenged people, living with their parents/in-laws/exes/exes parents, living in a 10 foot travel trailer with 2 huge dogs, riding bikes to work, riding taxis to work, walking, driving a scooter, riding a skateboard, unable to drive because they lost their license, ex-cons, probation followers, probation cheaters, people who should be on probation, people who should be on meds, people who are on meds, people who are illegal meds (I guess they would be drug addled) and the list goes on and on.

Mostly, they are hard working people who are trying to pay their bills and get by.
But the drama!
We have a cook who has a pregnant girlfriend. Ok, make that 2 cooks.
They are not sure if the babies are theirs and the pregnant girls are cheating on them or dating around.
When I was pregnant, I never thought much about dating. Or sleeping with other men.

Today, I will focus on the server (J) who is driving me (and everyone else) nuts.
She is friendly and giving to a fault.
She is funny and tells the best Obama and Biden jokes (I had to hear the Bush jokes for years so hush!)
She recycles and takes in homeless animals and would gave you her last M&M.
But she is a loon.

If you order a meal, this is how it will go:
You-"I want a chicken strip dinner with a baked potato, broccoli and a salad"
J- (she says this really fast with barely time for you to answer between breaths) "Ok then. Would you like any dipping sauce for the chicken? Honey mustard, ranch? Or just ketchup- oh, it's on the table. Butter and sour cream for the potato? Do you like lots of sour cream? Real butter or margarine? Do you want butter on the broccoli? Some people like lemon juice on theirs but I like the taste of plain broccoli and I like mine really crunchy. Do you like it cooked really well or smooshy? Do you like everything on your salad? Carrots? Tomatoes? Cucumbers? Croutons? Do you like regular saltines or Club crackers? Or maybe a dinner roll? I love our ranch, it is homemade but our other dressings are too. Except for the poppy seed but it is so good. Did you know poppy seeds will make you test postive for opium? No? Well, it does. I had an aunt once who had to take a drug test for work and after eating poppy seed muffins, she got fired!

This goes on til she has the entire order (Lord help us if she has a large table)
Then she takes forever to ring it in.
When the food is ready to be taken out, she always has an issue with the cooks.
"Did I say smooshy broccoli? Oh crap, can you nuke the hell out of this real quick? Did I ring a chicken breast? Rats, I needed chicken strips. Can you drop me some? On a rush? Did I give them their salads yet? I need to go check......oh good, I did"
She brings the food out.
Puts it down in front of them.
"Can I get you barbeque sauce, honey mustard, more ranch, is that enough dressing? Napkins? More tea? Want more ice for it? Want a wet nap for your hands?"

They get up to pay.
She meets them at the register.
"Do you want me to box up that last chicken strip? For later. Want that tea in a to-go cup? More ice?"

Most of her customers love her but she wears me out so you can imagine how tired SHE was today after a busy lunch and then a second lunch rush an hour later.
And she rings in the wrong things and wastes food and tortures the busy cooks.
Mr. Funny want to murder her when she waits on us because after asking all of those time wasting questions, she never brings you any of the things she offered.

And she is a germophobe so she hates picking up her tips on the table til I reseat it and then she has to go wash, rinse, and repeat.

Now multiply this by 8 because that is how many are working with me and each of them has issues and I wonder why I want to nap when I get home.

And yesterday a server used a staple remover on one of the cooks fingers because he was pestering her.
She just clamped down on it as hard as she could (he was dumb enough to say she wouldn't do it and stuck his finger out) and boy did I fight the urge to laugh.
He totally deserved it.

Like day care, without the diapers.
Like a zoo, without the cages.

Now we are being challenged by unemployment because the girl, who was very late 26 out of 30 shifts, who had many warnings and chances and write-ups and, who we loaned money to, who stole from us, who lied to us countless times, who walked out screaming "I just got f*^#ing fired" through the entire dining room, who we had endless documentation for on all of these counts and who was denied unemployment because of these things, is contesting the decision. And we have a hearing. Because all the pages of documentation don't mean a thing.

And I have a pile of applications in the office for people who won't return calls for interviews, can't come in or don't show up for them, leave off a phone number, past employment or references, blow their interviews on purpose, are high at the interview, have no transportation, ask for unrealistic shifts (I can only work on Tuesdays from 6- 8 pm) or make up some reason why they cannot do the job after all (I cannot carry bus tubs or trays because I have a sore back) (I cannot touch dish water (they applied for a dishwasher position) because it makes me itch) the interviewing is done. We can interview 15 people and maybe one will really want to work. It is so frustrating.
There may be people out there who want a job but they don't live here.
I keep hoping for a good hardworking person to put in an application.
The ones I have are great but the economy is picking up and we need a cook or 2.

So, I keep working with the ones I have.
Crazy or not- they're all mine.


  1. Imagine how boring your day would be if you didn't have your employees to look forward to! lol

  2. I hate to tell you, but your crazy waitress has a twin in JC.

    Your post had me crying, I was laughing so hard.

    Your attitude is amazing. I'm afraid I would be pissed all the time.

  3. OMG I almost peed my pants I was laughung and coughing (Got a nasty cold) so hard...
    just so you'll know I printed this entry and am showing it to our favorite waitress,just know she'll but a gut...

  4. LOL!

    Sorry, I know you live it but that is funny.

  5. ummmmm, I'm hard working but never cooked but believe you me, if you schedule me, I'll be there.....maybe we need to relocate.....

    I don't know how you do it. It sounds like certainly a zoo that you are the keeper of. makes you want to get your tranquilizer gun out sometimes doesn't it?


  6. Where is the work ethic our mother instilled in us? How did she do it without trying, when these fools have it shoved down their throats and still miss it. I don't know how you do it with so much ammunition and fire arms in your house.

  7. I'm not sure how UE works where you are, but will the challenge hearing be via phone? I had an employee that challenged her denial (sounds like it may have been the same gal lol), I rescheduled everything so that we could have our challenge interview via phone, and she didn't call in on the specified day. End of story. But a pain in the ***. Good luck with yours! Kathy

  8. OMG, I am crying from laughing so hard!!! I worked retail for 6 yrs and had to deal with people like that. If I had been the manager I would be in jail now for doing someone in. Just be glad it was a staple remover and not a knife.
    Such a hilarious post.
    Thanks, MarySunshine79


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