Sunday, May 9, 2010

You Waited All This Time For This?

Yesterday, I decided at the last minute to go with Mr. Funny to help pick up the Big One's things at college and assist in checking him out for the summer.
What a relaxing day. A long, boring car trip consisting of 2 tired and cranky people who would rather be relaxing at home.

The Big One was playing at the graduation ceremony so he hadn't packed (nor had he done a single thing in the 3 days previous) and his dorm room was a disaster.
He had to be out by 6pm or wait until Monday so we rushed him along as we threw everything into random boxes and stacked it all into the hall so he could vacuum and dust the room.
As Mr. carried a huge box down 5 floors, Big One mumbled, "uh, tell dad there is an elevator"
Good to know.
As I was getting onto the elevator for the first of what I imagined to be 894 trips, I saw a guy with this huge cart on wheels.
"Where did you get that?" I said."Downstairs, there are tons of them, just show them your student ID and you can have one also" he said.
I turned to the big One who said he had no idea where his ID was, maybe in a box somewhere.

I flew down to the room where the magic carts were and begged to the RA:
"please kind and cute sir, may I borrow a cart for 15 minutes? I swear I will bring it back and I have no ID on me or anything but if you know my child, and you DO know my child, you will take pity on my soul and allow me to haul his crap out of here so you can go home today"
Holy mother of pearl, he was good to me. I raced up to the room (I'm not a runner either) and filled that magic cart to the everloving brim and we crammed my SUV to the max. Totally. Fer sher.
Actually, Mr. Funny measured the depth and width and square footage of the car and divided it by pi and then ever so neatly fit every piece in it's proper place so that he could still see out the mirror. The Big One had loaded 3 huge bags of clothes in his Jeep the night before and on top of the piles of trash, instrument cases, cd's and crap.
Then we returned the cart and this is when things took a turn for the worse.

The back of my car.

Remember a few weeks ago when he went hungry for a day because his meal plan ran out? He had all of this food then. I know because I bought it before he went back for spring break. All of Facebook though we were starving him for no reason. AGGGHHHH!

The back of his car. Under the bags and saxophone are gobs of tons of oodles of trash.

The back seat. There is a flat brown thing in the tub. It is melted candle wax from the candle warmer. And an open and almost empty box of cereal. It was important to bring that home.

I'm pretty sure I was getting a lecture here. I think he was venting. Something about how many hours he had worked this week and how tired he was and how long our drive was and how tired he was gonna be the next day. And how he wanted to blow that pop stand.

I remain unfazed,
The thrill of victory still coursing through my veins.
(Wow, I coulda used a little powder, I was a tad oily by then)

Back to the story. Are you still awake? I dozed myself for a bit.

The girl at checkout asked if Big was ready to be inspected (after the room is emptied and cleaned, they inspect it, then set the stopwatch and give you 15 minutes to fix anything or clean the missed spots and then charge you extra for each minute after that- I should totally do that at home!) and I told her he was going to need to vacuum and wipe everything and that he didn't really know how to use a vacuum or wipe things (ha ha) so it might be a bit but we would let them know and would be done at 6 come hell or high water.

We were followed by Inspector Dorkdog and his Stopwatch of Doom.
He then stood in the room while Big vacuumed and clocked him every minute while I wiped out the microwave, freezer and fridge, wiped the shelves and mirrors and picked up random stuff off the floor. (seriously, I wanted to leave so I was going to hurry this along)
He then inspected and he had the personality of a corpse.
"Gum on the carpet, 2 places; cord ripped loose of the wall (it was on the room mates side); floor is not very clean yet, dust on the top of the closet, book in the drawer"
Soooooo, I grabbed a Clorox wipe (miracle wipes they are) and scrubbed the gum out of the carpet. "Ha! Got it out! Yes, I have 4 dogs you know and I can get anything out of carpet!" as I did a little jig.

He stared at me but did not retract his gum in the carpet note.

He then informed the Big One that he had gone over the 15 minute allotment of time for room cleaning and he would have to pay a fine for that, the cord and the gum. He then left.
As we rode the elevator down to check out, the men in my life discussed how unfair it was because had the guy waited until we were done cleaning and then went over the room with the stopwatch (like he was supposed to do) everything would have been fine and done in 15 min. so Mr. told Big to tell the RA that we had told them he wasn't ready but the guy went up anyway.

Big just wanted to leave but OH HELL NO, I wasn't gonna pay a fine when we weren't given time to clean before the inspection.
"Oh please mom, don't make them mad, I have to go here next year" Big said.
I promised to be firm but polite but we were not leaving til I said my piece.
I marched right in to the room and handed the RA (super nice guy, I will add) the sheet and said "I have a problem with some of this"
The moron was standing behind him staring at me. Guess he messed with the wrong mama today.
"We told you that he would clean it and then let you know when we were ready for inspection and she said that was fine but he followed us up and timed us the entire time instead of waiting til we were done. He said there was gum and I got it all out, re-cleaned everything and still we got charged."
The girl confirmed everything I said was true.
He said he would inspect it later and be sure the gum was gone (it was, trust me) and waive the late fee.
The End.

We stopped at Lone Star for dinner (like always) and then came home where we unloaded everything into the garage and sorted 9 loads (!!!!) of his laundry and went to bed.

Another day, another story of survival.


  1. what a day! I didn't realize you had to move them out after each semester! I would of complained, too. It's a good thing you decided to go.

  2. Ah, the dorm nazis. Don't miss that a bit! Glad you made it home safe and sound. Kathy

  3. I have a feeling you are going to have some doozy of stories as the summer goes on... I would have been the wrong mama too. One year down, 3 (hopefully only 3) to go.

  4. Yowza. This is why kids should go to college closer to home. He can load all his own crap and leave you out of it so you can have a margarita before he blows in the house like a fart in a car.

    At least he's home now and the REAL fun can begin!

  5. Oh my this brings back memories. We don't have the whole timing thing but have been charged "our share" for random instances of abuse to residence hall they pin on anyone specific. Ugh

    I'm a little worried because due to the timing of Mr. 18's graduation, the older two are responsible for moving out, cleaning up and checking out ON THEIR OWN this year and that worries me.

    Glad you're all done, though :)

  6. Ack! What a day! I'm so glad--for you--that it's over. I got tired just reading about it!

  7. I don't understand the timed cleaning thing at all!!! Why do they care how long it takes to clean the room?


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