Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Things that bug me

 Here are some fascinating snippets for Tuesday:

- My yard has been taken over by cicadas. They came up out of the ground (oh yeah they did) and are here every 13 years. There are thousands in the trees all around my house and the constant hum is like a bad sci-fi movie (the males make a noise to attract the females- maybe they could court their stupid cicada hos elsewhere).
Worse yet, I am terrified of them, always have been. If I had a nickel for every time someone told me the last few days that they won't hurt me, I would be sitting on a beach in Hawaii. I might still go since they are staying awhile.
I went out to do some planting yesterday while Mr. Funny mowed and they began dive-bombing me.
I screamed and ran and flapped my arms. They kept flying into me. I shrieked more. I was out in the yard surrounded by trees and looked up to see bajillions of them staring at me while some others fell on me.
My hubby came around to the front yard to see why I was running and shrieking (he heard me over the John Deere) and flapping and by this time, I was sobbing and hysterical. I couldn't breathe and one had fallen down my shirt, another was on my shorts.
He told me to please go inside so the neighbors wouldn't call the police thinking I was being bludgeoned with a claw hammer. 
"I can't (sob, snort, sniffle), they will chase me! They are everywhere (gasp for breath), this is like a bad movie, make them stop, poison them, shoot them, spray them with Windex!" (hey, it works on ants) 
"I won't let them, I will protect you, I promise (this is why I married him- my insane fears do not faze him at all) they aren't coming around me but you are right, they love you, maybe all the shrieking makes them think you are a female cicada (very funny)
In the house I went. I finally got back to normal breathing and looked out on the back deck. No bugs.
I decided to sit on the deck and read a magazine. I was armed with a fly swatter. I was soaking up the sun and enjoying myself when one landed on my head.
Game over bitches. Back inside I went.

They are here for weeks. 
I hate everything.

- My foot is killing me.
I would blame the zig zag running and flapping but it started hurting at Mel's on Saturday and got worse. Yesterday it was terrible by 9 pm. 
After some Web MD-ing and Googling, I came to the conclusion that is either plantar fasciitis or a catfish sting. 
I wear flat shoes, weigh more than I should, stand for long periods of time and 
It felt a bit better earlier today but now it is getting bad again. I think I am going to try the exercises they recommend and get some insoles but maybe I should get this boot.

All the other husbands are gonna be jealous of mine what with the irrational insect fears and sexy night footwear.

- Went to the grocery store last night with big plans of cooking for the kids all week. The big one was gone tonight and the little one and I went to a visitation for one of his friends' mom. 
I am going to cook tomorrow for sure.

- I am still purging. The house, that is. The mess is leaving and cleanliness and clutter are kicked to the curb. The boys rooms are neat and the basement is spotless. 
All of those statements except for the first one are lies. Nobody in this house throws a thing away. Hoarders.   
My closet is lovely though.

- Someone commented that my skin is nice. It is actually not but I wear layers of makeup. I also hang out in the sun, always have. I say I have good genes since my mom looked amazing and wrinkle free til her death. Also, lots of blush. And concealer. But wow, you are sweet for the comment. 

waiting outside my door

the shells, so disgusting


  1. okay, if I come to Missouri, I'm not coming in May or June. Those cicadas would do me in and I was reading on Deanna's blog about them too, which means they are all over the area, so I'll come visit at a different time okay?

    sorry about your foot pain; I'm thinking it could be that nasty plantar fasciitis if you are on your feet a lot during the day which you are indeed!

    I don't think we have cicadas in Southern California......you could come and camp out here next May and June!


  2. Oh. My. Hell. Um. Yeah....I'll keep this rainy Oregon weather over those things any day! I will also pray for you.

  3. Oh yuck!!! Stay inside with your sexy boot on!!! My kiddo loves the shells, but i've NEVER seen them like that! I remember she found 3 or 4 on a tree once...

  4. and the weekend with the sisters looked like a BLAST! So sad about all those people that lost their homes in the storms-I can't even imagine!

  5. The Cicadas are HORRIBLE!!!! I'm with you on that. They will be back again in 7 years I think, but not quite as bad as this.

    Hubby had the planters faciwhateva and he got a boot from the Dr. and it helped some, but what really made the difference and solved the pain was very expensive shoes (I'll send you the name of the brand when I get home and can look) with good arches. He is on his feet all of the time and has zero pain now.

    Glad your man is a knight in shining armor. You're going to need one for a few more weeks!

  6. ICK! Those bugs are ga ross! We have box elder bugs that I thought were really gross but once again you get the prize.

    I had that happen with my foot also. I wore clogs for awhile and it got better and then all gone.

    Good luck!

  7. Oh I HATE those bugs! Thankfully they haven't made it here yet. I hope they aren't coming.

  8. I was reading this through my fingers, my hands up against my eyes as if to shield myself from your horror.

    I always say I'm tough when it comes to spiders and snakes and the only thing I'm afraid of is rodents, but I forgot about cicadas. Those things are horrifying beyond belief. With their hard shells and the way they bombard me. OMG! In your shirt? I shivered throughout your whole ordeal. OMG!

    And I live with a family of hoarders, too. It's so bad. I just keep my little areas clean and close their doors. It's the only way.

  9. ick to the 100th degree is all i can say. i cant think of too many things i dont like. bugs is at the top of my hate list. we had bazillions of lady bugs in KY. june bugs in LA. and here in NC we have these lil flies i cant even describe. icky....we dont need bugs...for nuthin...ever.

    call the cicada eviction guy, NOW!! lol

    i would stay inside for the next month or so. who needs to go out anyway? you can order in, make a list for the boys to go get....watch tv, read, sleep...eat, sleep, tv, sleep, eat, bath, sleep, play with dogs, eat, sleep, did i mention watch tv? repeat for a month....

  10. Baby Jesus of Bethlehem, The Cicadas. Unfortunately, I know of them all too well - their Plague infested D.C. where I grew up every 13th year or something like that. And it was as if "Alien" was shooting in my little suburban neighborhood and you had to wear a military-issued gas mask, lest you breathe them in, as they were swarming everywhere and there was nothing but a Cicada cloud everywhere you turned. Okay, I might be exaggerating a bit. But still.

    The Zadge

  11. I haven't seen these yet, but I would run screaming, too, if I do! Gross!


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