Friday, October 21, 2011

I think I am back

So, as you know, I have been very busy lately.
But things have kind of settled down and I am back. I think.

On Monday, the last of the family left. My husbands sister and aunt went home and since we have had visitors for the last 6 months, off and on, it was a huge sadness that gripped me and took over my brain. It was added to the other sadness that has been here since spring.
Spring/ Easter week was when my mother in law was diagnosed with cancer. The prognosis was bad, very bad so we put our lives on hold and took care of her.

We brought out the yard furniture, my hammock, tables and chairs, couches and such. And then we never used them.

I bought a bunch of plants and have yet to do a thing with them.

I stopped deep- cleaning my house every week and instead just did the basics.

I only picked up the essential items at the grocery store.

We payed little attention to the kids, the dogs and the restaurant.

I ignored friends, family and this blog. My journal. I didn't want to talk about things too much and I still don't but I am starting over again.

My mother in law died on Friday, October 7, 2011. I was home in bed in an Excedrin pm coma because I hadn't slept in days and I came home to sleep. I couldn't sleep. Could only cry and sit with my husband and ask him why God had allowed her to suffer so much. Day after day, she wasted away in a drug induced sleep while we turned her to keep the bedsores from breaking through. She had horrible pain so the doctor continued to raise her pain meds and eventually put her on a pain drip. She also had pain patches and was given a shot of pain and anxiety meds every hour. She stopped eating and drinking. She just slept. We took turns sitting with her. Her sister only left to go home and shower for an hour. Her youngest son was there most days. I was there every day. My husband tried to be there but he worked a lot and that was a better place for him.
At a bit after 2 am on the 7th, she passed away. Her face was peaceful.
We didn't go to the hospital when my husband's brother called after 2. There was no need. 

Last week was a blur. We made arrangements with the funeral home, newspaper. Called a million people, went shopping for clothes, went through things at the house. Waited for relatives to arrive.

Last Thursday (13th) was the visitation. We saw so many wonderful people. 
My sister's and brother arrived and we stayed up way too late with vodka tonics and memories. 

Friday was the funeral. The church hosted a huge dinner for us beforehand. The family all arrived. We ate and visited. We had 3 songs sung by friends at the funeral. The service was amazing. We closed the restaurant for 2 hours so our employees could come. We gather at my MIL's house. My husband went to work. I picked up all of the flowers at the funeral home. My Suburban was jam packed and we still had more. We had asked people to donate to my MIL's favorite place. They still sent flowers. Mums, plants, fall arrangements. My car was full and Mel and I had some serious allergy issues. Mel picked up some wine and a few of us carried it around like it was soda in our glass (my MIL's side of the family doesn't really drink at events like mine does) We looked at pictures, gave clothes away, organized flowers and plants, ate desserts (I cannot describe how much food there was) and I took photos.

Saturday, I spent a bit of time with Mel and Deb and John and then they left. Mr. Funny worked for me. After work, we went to say goodbye to all of the extended family who were gathered outside (it was the most gorgeous weekend!!) I took the photos I posted. The little one had left at 4 am for a marching festival 2 hours away. We took my twin niece and nephew who are 14 and drove to the festival to watch the prelims and finals.
Our band won everything, as they do. We stopped at McDonalds at 11pm and got home after 12.

Sunday was spent with family at my MIL's house. Going through drawers, gathering prescriptions, looking through old letters and papers and finding bills so we can continue to take care of the house until my husbands brother can buy his part of it. I made piles of things to give away. 
They gave me a letter that she had written to me. I got the new iPad and Nook we had bought for my MIL. I took some jewelry and knick knacks. I got a beautiful piece of furniture.
We all went for pizza. 
I went home at almost 3am.

On Monday, I started a huge list with things that need to get done. I crossed off many things but I have also added to that list. We ran errands and stocked the house with groceries. We went back out to my MIL's house (my husbands brother is living there now) so I could add to my list. I need to find a home for her clothes, books, purses, shoes, meal replacement food, etc. We will go through the house in the spring but I want to do a few small things every week. It will be easier on my sister in law to have some of that stuff gone in the spring. 
Monday, we made spaghetti and meatballs. The kids were cranky and really didn't care. I stayed up until 2am with my lists, sorting mountains of laundry, cleaning my bedroom and just not sleeping.

Tuesday morning, I regretted my decision to stay up so late. And oh hell it had gotten cold. And rainy. I dressed in a cute outfit (makes you feel better when you look good) wore a bright lipstick and went to work. After work I ran errands and went home. I layed on the couch under a heated blanket and slept for 2 hours. The kids were both gone so dinner was an iced Halloween cookie and an orange Sunkist soda. An orange meal. Up until 1:30am. Stupid girl.

Wednesday was another cute outfit, extra concealer and extra, extra coffee. I wore my animal print blazer that I bought for visitation. It was very cold outside again. I made some phone calls from work to take care of canceling credit cards and store cards for my MIL. I went home and spent the evening alone. The kids were working and I watched a few shows. Had a glass of wine (thanks for leaving the wine, Mel! :) ) I am so far behind on tv.

Thursday I hit almost bottom. I slept in until after 12. My husband tried to get me up. I kept sleeping. I had too much to do. I slept. He brought me my phone which had missed calls, voicemail and texts. I got up and brushed my teeth, put on clean clothes (no bath, no hair-washing!) and went to run errands again. One of my calls was from my salon. They had half priced facials and they thought I could use one. Oh hell yes. I made the appointment. Somehow, I got through the day. The facial was the magic touch. I finally relaxed. I went home and started the laundry, cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, played with the dogs, conquered the piles of laundry on the sofa from last week, cleaned bathrooms, planned dinner. The little one was working on a homework assignment with a friend and the big one was his usual crabby self and they informed me that they had just ordered pizza. I put on Netflix and continued on with my laundry mountains. I wished I had an extra washing machine and 2 extra dryers. I took a bath and had a cold beer. Or 2. Went to bed with only 2 loads of laundry left. It will multiply as I sleep.

Here I am. It is Friday. I have a huge list. I am going to conquer it. I have until the end of the year for all of it. My husband had an appt. with his attorney and his brother about the estate. I have laundry in the washer and dryer. I have coffee. I am here to carry on my mother in laws legacy. I will never, ever come close to being the person she was but I will do my best. She told me to take care of everyone (I have been trying to do this for months) and make sure people do not go crazy or fall out of touch. It is funny that she would ask that of me. Fortunately, I have my husband to keep me from going crazy.

I am lucky. I have a good family. I have a house, a job, a good marriage that gets better every day, lots of love.

And in honor of fashion Friday, something I have all but forgotten, here are my recent purchases. For the funeral.
This leopard jacket is soft, stretchy and perfect with a black, sleeveless top with a rosette neckline. I wore it with wide-legged trouser jeans and black wedges for the visitation.

I broke down and bought a black suit. We will call it my funeral suit. 
I hated spending so much on a jacket and skirt but they are very flattering on me (not in these photos though) and I can mix it up with different tops.

I love this top.

That is all I have today.
Have a wonderful weekend!


  1. Yes, you are back! But absolutely no one could fault you for putting this on hold for a wee bit.

    I think your MIL has it just right that she wants you to keep everyone together, a perfect job for you.

    You know what the volunteer creed is? "If you want a job done, ask a busy person to do it". Otherwise, the folks without enough to do will always find a way not to do what you ask them too.

    I feel for how crazed your life must seem, but you are moving forward and making progress every day. Just make sure you keep those rest stops along the way - Yay naps (and wine)!

  2. Seriously, you need to take a week of doing nothing. You guys have all been through such a rough time emotionally and physically and mentally. This is the perfect time for you to get sick because you've been running on nothing for months and now it will catch up with you. So give yourself time to rest and to mourn and grieve. Things will get done; just give yourself a little time of quiet and recharging of your batteries so to speak.

    Make sure while you are taking care of everyone, that also includes taking care of yourself!


  3. It takes a while for things to settle down, after a loved one has passed. Sometimes up to a year or more. Your MIL passed on an important job to you, keeping the family together. Alot of responsibility there. You've been on auto-pilot doing what had to be done for a while now. Take a deep breath and relax, just a little. The rest will follow. Take care. P.S.) The outfits you picked were very nice.

  4. Sounds like you're coping.....
    Death is a part of life, just depends on who's involved I guess. Glad you have a great support. Piles of stuff will still be there but if you don't take care of yourself, it won't matter. Life goes on....

  5. Life does get crazy at times like this. And when it is all over, you are left with getting back to the day to day.

    I see a vacation for you in your very near future!

  6. OH MY-you need to head back to Hawaii!!!! I can't believe you all made it through this without collapsing! Take care of yourself now!!

  7. How on earth could you even remember all that let alone actually live through it all?!

    Glad you're back! Just in time for Halloween!


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