Wednesday, May 23, 2012

I'd like to clear a few things up for the commenters who inquired, shall we say (I deleted the comments because the commenters weren't kind enough to use their names) 
First of all, I do complain about never having enough time to get the house cleaned or whatever else I dread yet I try to stay caught up on all of my shows. 
I get depressed and overwhelmed easily and it makes me feel better to escape into other people's worlds (aka: tv) Usually I sleep and avoid life.
Do you feel better now knowing that?

Secondly, our personal finances and business finances are separate. The freezer, ice machine and any other restaurant supplies/equipment are paid for out of the business account. Due to the constant crappy state of the economy and the amount of things that break and need replacing on a regular basis in the restaurant world, there is never a ton of expendable cash (spare pennies) milling about.
My "brand new expensive Escalade" is 4 years old and my payments are the same as they were with my Suburban. It does have half as many miles on it and is in perfect condition.
Any other riveting questions or comments?

Now, so you can laugh at my misfortune and idiocy, here are:

Stupid things I did last week.

I bought some Nair facial hair remover. I have blond hair on my face (it could be worse, if my hair was dark I would be a woodland creature) and my sister got me a small facial shaver (because sh e said I have a beard). I am not big on shaving my face for numerous reasons so I got the Nair.
It was supposed to stay on for at least 5 minutes but after 3, it burned like a bitch so I wiped it off. It left burned, course, twisty hair behind. I washed my face 4 times and put on 3 layers of Clinique Moisture Surge moisturizer.
My face was bumpy and I had a chemical burn for 2 days.
Yesterday I used the stupid shaver.

I was trying to hang the hummingbird feeder and stepped into the hole that Molly dug under it. I went down (as my sister and I say, big girls fall hard) I went down but managed to avoid spilling a drop of sugar water. I sat there and laughed for a full 5 minutes before I considered crying from the pain. Then all 4 dogs accosted me and licked my face and arms while I tried to get up. Thank god there were no witnesses.

I ran my bath this morning and somehow forgot to turn the cold water on. I stepped in and almost incinerated myself. I avoided screaming and waking the entire house up but just barely. I have actually done this before except in reverse. The cold water isn't as bad.

I unloaded the entire dishwasher the other day before I realized that I had put the soap in it and forgot to push start.

We spent the afternoon Sunday desperately looking for khaki shorts for the little one, who had to have them for his upcoming Disney trip. The mall closed at 6pm, we got there at 5 and managed to hit 4 stores (buying various shorts but none of them khaki) before finally hitting the jackpot at Marshall's. The little one was pissed because he hates shopping and hates trying on clothes which made him crabby and made my husband and I want to strangle him. It is near impossible to find long shorts for a boy/man with freakishly long legs. We survived and I was so relieved that we were able to get the purchases early instead of last minute (like usual).
Yesterday, we got an email from the band director saying that since the kids thought khaki would clash with the neon yellow t-shirts, they could wear any shorts they wished and to disregard the khakis.
The good news is, he now has lots of new shorts and we found a long pair of swim trunks.
Now I need to convince him that he must wear sunblock in Florida.

I spent weeks using the Jergen's facial tanning moisturizer to give my face a lovely glow. I pretty much burned the tan off with the chemicals so now I am white, splotchy and bumpy. Yea me!

I was sooooo happy to get my Sephora purchases last week. I could not wait to use the Urban Decay shadow palette and Fresh Coral lip balm. The perfume was lovely in the store.
I don't like any of them.
Although the shadows look great in the box, they are awful on me and the coral lip balm is way too bright and I look like a hoochie. The perfume gave me a terrible headache. They are all going back and I am going to shop in the store (Sephora) instead of online in the future. The eyeshadow did stay on really well though and I love the lip balm in the Rose and Plum so I plan to just get different colors of each.

In the last 2 weeks, I have dropped and broke the flip-top lids on  a.) my Mrs. Meyers floor cleaner bottle b.) my sesame oil body moisturizer  c.) my new shampoo and  d.) my lotion bottle 
No alcohol was ever involved.

In other stupid news, last year while I was making hummingbird food every single day for those fat pigs, I for got to add sugar to one of the batches and didn't realize it until I tasted it 4 days later to see why they weren't eating it (and why they were trying to peck my eyeballs out every time I stepped out the back door.

I have also (in the past) worn my underwear inside out and backward, worn 2 different shoes (both were black flats), left my phone at restaurants 3 different times, worn mascara on only one eye (I have invisible lashes) left Molly locked outside almost all night (I blame Mr. Funny but he swears it was me), bought the same magazine in the store that I had just gotten in the mail (I have done this a few times), fed the dogs and then an hour later fed them again and put my car keys in the fridge.


  1. Well, poo to those who made you feel like you had to explain personal things like finances, etc. No one's business. . . grrrr

  2. I swear we were separated at birth.


    p.s. I had to giggle about the undies *ducking* At least you put yours ON. Someone here didn't. *snort*

  3. Big, fat WTF!?!?!? Who the he'll feels like any of that is their freakin concern? You better just be giving me the nice followers because I don't like that jazz.

  4. I agree with Judy.

    As far as the rest of the stuff you wrote, well, let's just say you're not alone. I've done lots of the same kinds of things. :)

  5. Hey you don't have to answer to busybodys who are RUDE. What you divulge is up to you. Don't let bullies make you tell all, if you are not comfortable with that. I seriously wish you had a webcam that would have captured that fall with the dogs all coming in for a kiss. Would have been priceless. Funny how things work out. Glad your son is ready for his trip. Now I heard everything else you said, but what stood out was this... sesame oil body moisturizer. Tell me where I can get me some, ASAP????

  6. What the actual fuck?!?! Who the HELL makes comments like that!?! Some people just suck!

  7. OMG I am laughing out loud at your expense. Went down. hahahaha

    And Yeah! why the heck are you esplainin' your business?!

    You really should try wearing a video camera. hahaha

  8. Sorry that you got the sort of question you did! The definitely didn't deserve an answer. No one has a right to ask about your financial situation and personal matters! I'm pissed off on your behalf.

    The rest of your post was a blast though and I got a lot of laughs from it! I do stupid things all the time but am too embarrassed to admit them lol...

    I hope you've recovered from the various incidents - some of them sounded pretty painful. I had a chemical burn from Nair on my leg once - sort of freaked me out and I haven't tried it again sense.

  9. Don't forget the time Molly stayed the night in the closet after following you into the closet the night before, and the panic the next day as you called me several times at work telling me that she was gone

  10. Gosh I hate anonymous hate comments; if one is going to comment and say something negative then one should have the decency and the fortitude to not do it anonymously.

    I had to laugh about the shorts, isn't that the thing. You try to get ahead and get ready prior to the event and then find out your efforts were for nothing.

    LOL about the hummingbirds. You are good to feed them anything, they should be grateful they get anything!


  11. Yeah. The above anonymous commenter this time is the husband. Only he knows that incident.

  12. is uncanny how alike we are even down to our anonymous (husband) commenters! I thoroughly enjoyed reading someone as bat crazy clumsy as me!! :-)

  13. Wow! What kind of a person thinks it's their business to make comments about your finances, what you do with your free time, etc.? Jeez, get a life, nosy commenters! Also, I have the Jennifer Aniston perfume. I love it, but it doesn't last for more than a couple hours on my body.

  14. Bloggers (and the people who commented above) must all be bi-polar - you are the one who writes about your finances.

    Do you forget that you frequently write about buying tops, shoes, makeup, skincare, fragrance, etc?

    When one speaks of not having any money, while obviously spending plenty of it, I think it is fair to ask a question.

    You didn't bother to explain at the time that you were speaking of separate accounts.

    I don't sign off with a name because I don't have the required Email accounts.

  15. Jim's most frequent thing to say to me is: "I worry about you". That about says it all!

    Wouldn't it be nice if everyone played nice? But that just isn't the case!

  16. I am shocked, and quite frankly, annoyed, at the assumptions that Anon keeps making about you.

    First of all, Anon, you should just mind your own business. Funny isn't asking YOU to pay her bills, so what the hell do you care what she does with her money, or if she wants to complain about being broke. Most of us are! How do you know she's not using gift cards, that she received as GIFTS, to buy these little "splurges" that seem to bother you so much. Maybe she bought those things on clearance. You don't know. Again, she isn't asking YOU to buy them for her. If her blog pisses you off so much, why do you keep coming back? Just so you can complain about and insult her? How 'bout you just stay away, and leave this space to her friends, who love her and support her.

  17. HA! I agree, Nair is awful. All those hair removal things burn. Love your Stupid things list...I've done some of those too! What goofs we humans are. :-)

  18. This cracked me up!!! and totally pissed me off. Been off your blog for a week and missed all the excitement. The older I get, the feistier I get. I'll take Anony on!!! SHEESH! Get your own blog and you keep making me laugh cuz LOTS of things are funny in my mind also :).
    So thanks for posting what you do. Thanks for trying to be courteous to someone who doesn't deserve it. And thanks for continuing with the laughs for those of us who really need them


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